Jennifer Funnell

Did you have a childhood toy? If so, does its memory mean anything to you now?

Mine was a beagle which I named ‘Fluffy Fun’. I lost him forever on a family holiday when I was 7 or 8 years old (shedding many tears), but I’ll always remember his impact on my personality.

How did a childhood toy impact me in this way?

I grew up (and still am growing up) with a dad who apparently ‘knew exactly what was going on in my head’. But whenever he brought it up I’d always say something like ‘No that’s just what I wanted you to think.’

Growing up I was cheeky, a harmless liar, someone who’d run away with half of her sister’s newly baked cake just to eat it all with little-to-no remorse. I don’t think those qualities are as prominent now, which I guess is a good thing in some ways, but somehow thinking that I’ve changed since I was a child makes me sad.

My Mum and Dad would take me to a cafe in town called ‘Nonna Cappuccini’s’ a lot when I was small, dad took me more for breakfast (along with my little sister) as I continued to grow up. Fluffy Fun would have come with me, tightly held by clumsy hands, as we drank the best orange juice I think I’ve ever had to date. Gosh this is starting to just be a piece of nostalgia instead of a meaningful post… I’ll carry on to try and get my meaning across.

Despite my cheekiness, I was also a very sensitive and emotional child, and I treasure the fact that my empathy has stayed with me- I think it’s what has driven me to nurture my creativity.

We carry a lot of who we were as kids into our adulthood, of course we do, still I often feel lost and confused when I think about who I was as a little girl as I have changed.

Is it right to not be the same?

Who am I really?

Questions like this come up so often for me, and I’m guessing they come up sometimes for you too.

I think of Fluffy Fun as a little treasure that encompassed my kid self. A child who wanted to laugh with others and have as much fun as possible.

I think in my early teenage hood I lost a bit of my jolly, carefree attitude. Insecurity and doubt made me more under-confident. But I know now that feeling low is what inspired me to learn more about who I am and appreciate growth and emotions.

Sadness often brings later change with the tears.

Change brings endings and beginnings that bring new meaning.

Beginnings are wonderful!

Beginnings I’ve noticed:

My sister’s new chapters, each of them have gained perspectives, thoughts, loves. They’ve nurtured themselves in different ways.

My own new chapter. Though it’s rocky at times, I’m finally pursuing my art, my expression and the love of the world and the people in it.

My friends have all started uni, or are travelling the world. I’ve noticed their new habits and stories that they share in phone calls and visits.

I hope to continue to hear about all the changes and wonderful things that come with growth. As everyone, I’ve realised, no matter how old you are, will always grow and experience change.

We don’t just become adults and stay the same, of course.

I’m not going to say goodbye to the kid I was when I had Fluffy Fun, and I’ll look fondly on my early teen years. I hope to treasure all the stages of my personality a bit more from now on.

Again, it’s been a thought dump.

Thanks for reading!

Jen Funnell

Ps. Let me know if you have any thoughts to share by writing in the comments!